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I wonder when I'll feel like writing a blog post again.

I'm writing this one now, but not because I feel like it. I come on here to update and talk about some fun things we've been doing and then I get caught up in reading the previous posts.  Then I start crying.  I read those posts and think, "How did I write that?  How did we live that?  How did I say we're doing okay when we're not doing okay?"  I mean, I guess we're okay inasmuch as we're not curled up in the fetal position sucking our thumbs somewhere, but there was some numbness to those posts.  Now, the numbness has worn off and we're aching.  A dull ache that we know isn't going to go away for a long time.  I feel like I can't quite move on from the heaviness of those posts to things like Jack's first day of preschool or our family's new puppy.  Or that the other upsetting things that have happened in our lives could even compare to losing Brigid.  Some of them come close, but I don't want to write about those either. Of course, it's having these three little boys to take care of and those other things going on in our lives that help us to keep going.  But sometimes they don't let us have the time to grieve.

So for those of you who have come here and seen no changes and thought that maybe I've gone private with the new posts, I haven't.  I just haven't had it in me.   Not for lack of material, but for lack of emotional fortitude, I think.  But I think maybe changing the look of things and writing a few posts with happy themes will not make me so sad to log on here.  They can put some space between those painful ones down there and the fun times that lie ahead for our family.

Maybe.

So, in addition to Jack's starting preschool (again)

and our new goldendoodle puppy, Blarney,

we have been having some good times together as a family over the last few months.  Here's proof:

This free scrapbooking design personalized with Smilebox