Counting our blessings

WARNING: Even though that's an optimistic title, this post is going to be a bit of a downer.

I'll just cut to the chase. We lost our baby last night. Or I guess I should say I lost our baby last night. If we're not pregnant, then we can't miscarry, right? Though this is one burden I'd be glad to share, and Patrick's doing an amazing job helping me to shoulder it.

I was going to post this weekend about the fact that I'd been having a little cramping and maybe ask for some extra prayers...but the weekend got away from me.

I won't go into all the gory details, but suffice it to say, I was only 9 weeks pregnant and it could have been much worse! I was afraid about how painful a miscarriage was going to be, but I either have a really high pain tolerance, or mine wasn't particularly bad, for which I'm so grateful.

I'm also grateful for the fact that I already have two sweet little babies to cuddle and kiss. This would have been so much more difficult if it were my first.

I'm thankful for lots of family and friends who have offered their support, including my Mom, who's been here helping me with the kids since Monday.

I'm thankful for the most amazing, compassionate, understanding, encouraging and supportive husband in the world who just reminded me that he has an infinite supply of hugs and kisses to help me get through this.

And I'm thankful that I have one sweet little baby in heaven who will be waiting for me when I get there. There's something reassuring about that.

It's surprising how much we bond with our babies when we're pregnant, isn't it? Even though she wasn't moving around in there yet, I still thought of her all day, every day. I already loved her.

It is so hard to understand God's purpose for things like this - what could possibly be the point of creating this tiny life, only to take it away before anyone got to appreciate it? But that's the thing, I guess. It makes us appreciate life so much more. And God is good, even when it hurts.

I love you, sweet little baby! I can't wait to meet you some day! - Your Mommy

Sinking in

So, a few days later and things are just starting to sink in.

Three kids in three years.

Jack will be three months shy of three years old when T3 comes. It's daunting, but I think we're up for the challenge. My guys are so sweet and easy-going. I'm thinking that they'll be good playmates for each other while I'm taking care of a newborn.

Anyway, we really are excited about another baby. Let's face it, I'm not getting any younger and Patrick and I both wanted a big (ish) family. (Big is relative, I guess...right, Duggars? Patrick's one of eight. Jon and Kate? No thank you. I have my limits. For some reason, four always seemed right to me.)

What's strange is that I didn't really have any symptoms other than running to the bathroom every five minutes. I was as surprised as you to see that big pink "+". With PJ, I knew I was pregnant at least a week before I got a positive test. My boobs The ladies were just so sore. I guess every pregnancy is different, although fatigue and my first-trimester aversion to coffee have already kicked in.

These two things do not play well together.

By dinner, I need toothpicks to prop open my eyelids.

So there you have it. We're having another baby and we both feel blessed beyond belief.

(How's that for alliteration?)

A pleasant surprise