I've been having one of these crises. Mine is age-related.
In my head, I'm a lot younger than it says on my driver's license.
It's stemmed, I think, from the recent discovery of several high school and college friends on Facebook.
(Yes, I have a Facebook account, though I don't entirely know how to use it. I've been invited to super-poke someone, and have received a few martinis, but I'm really a gin and tonic girl (with extra limes, please), so I don't even know what to do with a real martini, let alone a virtual one.)
Anyway, back to my wake-up call that I'm way older than I feel. I see pictures of these people and their families and think, "Wow, so-and-so looks a lot older...and s/he has how many kids?" and then I realize that people are probably thinking that same thing about me.
But I'm just out of college, aren't I?
Actually, my ten year college reunion, if there was one, would have been two years ago!
How did this happen?
There are moms I meet and think surely they are my age or older than I am, only to discover that they're younger...sometimes five or six or more years younger.
It's unnerving.
I feel a bit like I imagine a comatose person might feel if they were aware of the things going on around them, but unable to move or otherwise communicate "Hey! I'm in here - I hear you!" That younger person is me, trapped - Freaky Friday-style - inside my soon-to-be 35-year-old body and I don't know how to let her out.
And I'm scared about feeling this way when I'm 60...or 80.
Maybe it's because I got a later start with the whole married with children thing. Other women married less than three years, or with children as young as mine are generally younger themselves, and since they're the people with whom I'm spending a lot of time right now, I'm older by association.
I need to start hanging out in retirement homes more.
It's comforting to know that God's timing is always perfect, and that Patrick and the boys were well worth the wait - even better than I could have imagined. So what if my ideal marrying age of 28 came and went without incident (or, more importantly, without a suitable suitor in sight)? I know I'm right where God wants me to be.
But sometimes, it feels a little strange.
8 comments:
You look young...trust me...i dont look at your pictures and go, wow, she looks really old. You could pass for 28.
BTW- don't accept those 'martini' or other add on things on FB- they are little applications that can sometimes be deadly to a computer.
ITA about Facebook...it used to be barebones and manageable, but it's getting so crazy these days. I ignore most everything I get unless it's a personal message.
I think your 'identity crisis' is one of those 'grass-is-greener' situations. I have the opposite experience...I'm only 25 and most of the moms I know are 30+. When I get together with them, it reminds me of elementary school and I feel like I'm hanging out with the "big girls". Maybe we should switch social circles for a bit.
Seriously though...God has His timing and a great plan that we can't even begin to understand. And if you hadn't mentioned it, I wouldn't have guessed you were almost 35. :)
So it isn't just me??? Oh thank goodness. I am right there with you - a 20 something trapped in a 30 something's body. Funny enough, we're pretty much the same age (I'll be 35 in Dec), and I also married later - at 27. Maybe it's related, I don't know. Or maybe we're just charmingly youthful on the inside. But I honestly do have to remind myself sometimes that I'm not 22 anymore...not that I WANT to be 22 anymore. Well now I'm just rambling. Just wanted you to know you aren't alone!
"...aren't you bursting with butterflies on the fourth of September like you got to get out to the bus in your tartan dress with your lunchbox?
... though your body is 29... though your mind is an old thing..."
You are not old. I feel young, its so hard for me to find mom's my age. But to me age is just a number. I find friends, and their age means nothing to me. Things happen when they happen, God willing.
Some people say I act older, some people say I look like I am 17. So...whatever. I still feel 16 somedays. I watch Hannah Montana, and like all that teenie bopper stuff. Tom says I act young. My dad is the same way, he just turned 50, and he looks like he is in his early 30s. Somedays, he acts young, some days he says he feels 50. HAHA! I always say: Count your blessings, not the years. And honey you are so far from an old age home.. haha!
You are so funny. I could've written your exact post (well, not as good as yours was written, of course) about facebook! That is how I feel and I'm still in my 20's. I feel that way about the pictures of friends, single and still posing next to a keg of beer at a party! To me it's more of the parent/non-parent difference, not so much age difference with friends. I think now I have more friends in their 30's w/ kids than in their 20's and it doesn't bother me a bit.
i just got a facebook account and it's amazing how many people I know on it!! although I feel crazy using it- like I am spying on my kids!! at 36 it's crazy!! but fun reconnecting with some people I haven't talked to in years!
I never would have guessed you were mid30s, but what does that really MEAN these days anyway? I'm going to be 28. I got married at 22, had my first at 26. Age is definitely relative. Feel free to feel young, I say! Just love who you are. (And I think you do most of the time ;) )
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