Coming clean

Ok, not to be a downer, but in reading that last post, I realize that it sort of belies the fact that while Jack may be having a rip-roarin' good time around here, I've had some rough patches lately. I forgot about the ebb and flow of emotions that comes from post baby hormone changes and sleep deprivation.

Here are a few of the struggles that come from having two babies under the age of two:

• PJ is a much more mellow baby than Jack, and he sleeps a lot better, but he's still a baby. He's up a few times at night to eat, and lately it's been more frequent as he's had a growth spurt or something. Trying to keep up with an energetic 18-month-old boy on a broken night's sleep is exhausting.
• The aforementioned growth spurt PJ is going through has him wanting to eat every hour or two some days. I thought purple nurples was just an expression - a little hyperbole or poetic license. I was wrong; they can really be purple. Yowch!
• Jack has been waking up at the crack of dawn since his window faces due east and it starts getting light at 5 a.m. I finally tacked a blanket over his window until I can order a blackout curtain, so the last two nights have been a little better. For some reason, though, his naps have been awful those days. And our afternoon schedule goes like this: PJ naps until it's time to put Jack down, then he wakes up and needs to eat, and then just as he's finishing, I hear Jack crying in the monitor. That's zero minutes of downtime for moi.
• After a month-long teaser, DISH Network took Bravo away from me and my bottom-of-the-barrel basic subscription. I was totally into Top Chef Chicago and now I won't get to see the end of it! (Sorry, I know that has nothing to do with kids, but it just bugs me.)
• Trying to get dinner ready is a joke. It's PJ's time to cry - just because - and Jack's usually upset because we've just had to come in after being outside for a while. Usually a long while. I've been trying to do casseroles that I can work on little by little throughout the day and then just put in the oven a half hour or so before we eat...and I'm running out of ideas.
• Oh, and about being outside, PJ cries when we're out too long (for him, this means more than 15 minutes), and Jack cries when we come in. We can only go out while PJ's sleeping in his swing and I keep the window open to listen for him.
• While I waited months for Jack to say "Mama," and although I love that he calls me that, I do not love that he calls me that 100 times per waking hour from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m.

And here are a few of the things that instantly make up for it:

• Here's an excerpt from an email my darling husband sent to me after an especially difficult day -

Going forward I think we need to adjust our schedules so that you can have an hour of down time each day. The routine this morning worked really well so I might suggest 6:30 to 7:30 as Mommy's Power Hour. You could go for a walk, soak in the tub or just stay in bed to catch up on sleep or read. What cha think? I know this is a very hard time and I can see how much you take on each day for us. I'm feeling the strain too but the bike rides are my outlet. I would love for you to have something similar. . . and some time to do it!

Is he the most amazing man or what? I love you, Patrick!

• Jack just started kissing me, of his own volition, three days ago. It's been an especially tough few days because Patrick's been out for meetings all afternoon and evening, leaving the dinner/bath/bedtime routine to me. Somehow, just when I need it, Jack will come up to me, say "Mama," pucker up, and lean his face towards mine.

And suddenly, it's all worth it.